Just trust?

Hello! I'm new to all this blogging stuff but I figured I'd tell you a little about myself first :) My name is Elise. My favorite color is purple, my favorite band is Skillet or (my band) The Insiders, and I have some awesome friends. Anyways, for the past couple weeks, I've been studying myself, my thoughts, my behaviors, the way I act and react to things. I've realized I need a lot of changing in order to become the Christ-like woman I want to become. So I started praying, that God would bring me closer to him. I read my bible every day, paying attention during church, and I even deleted all my secular music stations on pandora. I figured by cutting out all the bad influences in my life, I'd be drawn more to God. I found out trying to do that with friends who aren't the best influence is really hard, but I'll save that for another day. So I keep doing the things I know I should do, but I can't seem to feel close to God. So tonight I felt a little desperate because I have been close to God before, and being in his presence is such an amazing experience. Anyways, I started looking up on google how to come closer to Christ. I read a lot of stuff, stuff I'd already been doing. Then I went to a website called hotchocolatewithgod.com (yes I know it's silly but quite a nice thought to picture if you close your eyes and imagine it). A girl on the website answered a question similar to mine; how can I get close to God? I'm a Christian but I don't feel like one. Ah yes. The first girl answered that our feelings don't define us, and Satan uses them to tear us down. I agreed, but felt like I still wasn't living out my faith. I kept reading and the second girl to answer said this; she read her bible, had people praying for her, and she herself prayed. But she put an emphasis on trusting God. "...all you girls who feel this way too – GOD loves you. He wants to be close to you! Talk to Him about this and trust that He will help you to draw near to Him." BAM! It clicked. I'm not trusting God. I'm not willing to give myself completely over to him. I feel the need to take care of myself, to not be dependent on someone else to make me feel complete or happy. The last time I did that, it didn't end up well. I felt depressed, and hurt. That's when I decided I only needed me. But now I'm starting to realize I DO need Jesus. And much as I hate to say it, I am NOT able to take care of myself. I don't know what's best for me. So to wrap this all up, the more I start reaching deeper into myself, the more I realize trusting God and letting go of my self-reliance is the next step in my walk of faith. 
"I no longer live but it is Christ who lives in me, and the life I now live I live by faith in Christ Jesus, who loves me and gave himself up for me." Galatians 2:20. Goodnight friends.